Running

I've never been one to really get into running. I mean like, really into it.  I don't have much desire to run races while being surrounded by dozens of other sweaty people.  Running for me is a personal thing.  I like to run by myself and listen to music while doing so.  That's another thing- I've found that I don't spend too much time thinking about the deep secrets of the world while I run.  I realize that a lot of people use running to do that.  I, on the other hand, run to get stress, anger, and frustration out.  Maybe I use running to avoid my thoughts.

How often do we go through life, trying to avoid our inner thoughts, struggles, and questions?  Where is the breaking point? After the run?  That's how it is for me.  Once I'm done and tired, I take my music out and the only thing I hear is myself. 

So, of course, I have to tie this into my daily life.

I've recently come to find that avoiding the important things because we believe we can do it ourselves is not a very smart move to make.  That's how it's been for me for about a month now.  I thought I had made the best decision I could and I ran with it (pun totally intended).  I made that decision to protect myself.  To avoid getting hurt.  There's that word; avoid.  As the weeks went on, I found that the decision I had made was a hard one to stick with.  I questioned and second guessed myself.  I had reached the end of my run and taken the earphones out.  After that, I knew that I couldn't carry on with the way things were. I had been trying to do my own thing without taking my decision to the Lord.  I tend to do that.  I think the worst thing about being so stubborn is knowing that you are and wanting to change, but not know how to go about it because you are so used to doing it all by yourself.  In my case, the desire to be so independent left me closed off and aloof to those around me.  I'm starting to find that it's okay to be open and vulnerable, because in order for others to love you-I mean truly love-you have to be vulnerable.  Being so does leave us open to get hurt, but it also allows us to love more fully.

I still have a lot of progress to make.  Miles to go.  Walls to break down.  But I guess it's just like running.  You don't meet your goal the moment you tie your laces for the very first time.  It's a process; challenging, yet fulfilling.