Who Knew I Didn't Run the World?

"Bloom where you're planted."


I found this quote several months ago, and I decided to make it my personal goal. If there's anything that I've learned from living in Flagstaff, it's that I can't always control how things go in my life, but I can choose how to react to them.

I can't control when I have three group projects due the week before finals.

I can't control my apartment management being so difficult that my roommates and I have spent the last two months dealing with them while finding a new place.

I can't control the attitude's of my friends that don't like Flagstaff as much as I do and are counting the days until they get to leave.


Control is an interesting word. It holds so much power to it. There's little room for leeway or discussion.  It's absolute.
But you know what word holds as much or more power?  Choice. The ability for us to make our own decisions and carve our own path. That is true power. It's the mastery of oneself. Not because life is meticulously planned out and controlled, but because we have the power to define ourselves by the things that we can't change. To bloom where we're planted. A sunflower looks beautiful regardless of where it grows.

Choice is a personal thing.

I can choose to turn to my savoir for help when I feel overwhelmed with crazy classes and crazier teachers.    

I can choose to see the experience of moving as an opportunity to step out on my own and grow as an adult.

I can choose to support my friends in their decisions, even if it means sacrificing some of my selfishness when I lose them. 

At the end of the day, it's good to accept the fact that there are a lot of variables that can't be controlled in life. Darn you life for being hard and confusing. Darn you for trying to teach me that I don't always run the show. Darn you for attempting to get something through my thick skull.

But thanks for being worth it.    

Sometimes Mondays are better than Fridays

Well, I thought we were friends, Fall.  What happened?

I guess I just took you for granted.  I'm sorry.  Please come back.

I've been really spoiled with the nice weather here in Flagstaff.  Up until Friday it has been beautiful.  And now? Not so much.  I have an internal struggle of wanting it to snow so I can go snowboarding, and not wanting it to snow because I can be a real wimp.  But I digress.

So, going back to Friday, I have a story!

Kayleen and I promised our neighbor that we would get some guy friends and help her move out of her apartment.  She set the time for 3:30, I was done with work by four, and I was just going to mosey home.  I thought to myself that I would catch the tail end of the move because our neighbor said she only had a few things that needed moving (i.e. the couch, chairs, and bed).  Upon my return, I discovered that the guys that we had come over had been waiting at my apartment for an hour because our neighbor wasn't home.  Keep in mind that I got home around 4:30.  When she did show up, we soon found that we had to move everything.  Literally. Everything.  Into her trailer.
I quickly said goodbye to my afternoon nap.

Oh, and she has cats.  Three of them.  And apparently, one is paranoid of everything (that is not an exaggeration).  While moving one of the couches, we uncovered the hiding place of said paranoid cat, which caused all Hell to break loose.  The cat, Mini, went AWOL and took a kamikaze dive off the balcony and ran into another building.  After about ten minutes and hasty strategic planning we captured the rogue comrade (two different times) and finally stuffed it in its holding cell.

I wish that was the end of my tale, but it's not.

At seven, we met my neighbor at the storage unit and unloaded her crap faster than... I don't even know have a good comparison, but it was fast.
Naively thinking that we were done with this little escapade, we made our way out of the storage place in Kayleen's car, only to be welcomed with the awkward thumping noise of a flat tire.  Ah yes, the tire. The tire was changed in no time, however, we found that the spare was just as flat.  Out of options, and running extremely late for a Halloween party, we drove the car down the freeway at about 15 miles an hour to the nearest gas station.  We pulled in, just as smoke started to come off the sad, little tire.  We parked it and called our friend Eric to come and pick us up.  Keep in mind that it is Halloween and some of us still needed to get costume pieces.  We drove to the mall and made a mad dash into the Halloween store ten minutes before closing time.




.....You thought it was over, didn't you? Thought that was a happy,little ending to my story? Wrong!
Of course something else had to happen before we could be on our merry way.  Something like almost getting hit by a car.  Yeah, that happened.  Leaving the mall parking lot, a car came careening into the side of Eric's car, knocking his driver side mirror.  You know that moment when time slows down and you can think of about a thousand different things at the same time? I guess one half of my brain is very calm in the face of danger, because I was strangely calm while this was going down.  I was sitting behind Eric, so the car would have hit us first.  While I was watching the car speed towards us, all I could really think was, "Why, that car is coming towards us awfully fast.  I believe it might ding the side of the van.  The side I'm on.  Oh well, I've had a good run."  Really brain? Come on, son.  Somewhere in the depths of my subconscious, the reality of the situation stuck.  Good ol' logic was trying to make sense of what was going on.  "You are going to die and someone else is going to finish your box of goldfish."

But obviously, we didn't die.  I guess the moral of the story is...... is that, that night made for a good story.
Yeah, that's all I got.

Here's some pictures from Friday.  Consider it a reward for making it this far in my post.

Tire changing pros

  

I found my true calling in the Spirit Halloween store.

Twinkie missed all the action, but we got in a photo opp.

Of course, the picture with the roomies.

Running

I've never been one to really get into running. I mean like, really into it.  I don't have much desire to run races while being surrounded by dozens of other sweaty people.  Running for me is a personal thing.  I like to run by myself and listen to music while doing so.  That's another thing- I've found that I don't spend too much time thinking about the deep secrets of the world while I run.  I realize that a lot of people use running to do that.  I, on the other hand, run to get stress, anger, and frustration out.  Maybe I use running to avoid my thoughts.

How often do we go through life, trying to avoid our inner thoughts, struggles, and questions?  Where is the breaking point? After the run?  That's how it is for me.  Once I'm done and tired, I take my music out and the only thing I hear is myself. 

So, of course, I have to tie this into my daily life.

I've recently come to find that avoiding the important things because we believe we can do it ourselves is not a very smart move to make.  That's how it's been for me for about a month now.  I thought I had made the best decision I could and I ran with it (pun totally intended).  I made that decision to protect myself.  To avoid getting hurt.  There's that word; avoid.  As the weeks went on, I found that the decision I had made was a hard one to stick with.  I questioned and second guessed myself.  I had reached the end of my run and taken the earphones out.  After that, I knew that I couldn't carry on with the way things were. I had been trying to do my own thing without taking my decision to the Lord.  I tend to do that.  I think the worst thing about being so stubborn is knowing that you are and wanting to change, but not know how to go about it because you are so used to doing it all by yourself.  In my case, the desire to be so independent left me closed off and aloof to those around me.  I'm starting to find that it's okay to be open and vulnerable, because in order for others to love you-I mean truly love-you have to be vulnerable.  Being so does leave us open to get hurt, but it also allows us to love more fully.

I still have a lot of progress to make.  Miles to go.  Walls to break down.  But I guess it's just like running.  You don't meet your goal the moment you tie your laces for the very first time.  It's a process; challenging, yet fulfilling.      

Hello Fall.

Ah fall, the season where sweaters are worn in abundance and the smell of pumpkin spice lattes permeates the air.  Now, I'm not hating.  I love fall.  I love the changing of leaves, finding any excuse to wear boots, and just the weather in general.  There's just something in a fall breeze that excites me.  It just hints at the change that is bound to take place.  You can't stop it, you just have to roll with it. 

I have been in my second year of college for exactly a month now.  It's funny how I stayed in Flagstaff during the summer, but once school starts up again, everything changes.  But I guess that's the way it works.  Life's always changing.  I grew and changed during the summer, and here I am now..Changing!

Before I let go of summer completely (because, trust me, I love summer.  Come to think of it, I really like all of the seasons.  For different reasons...anyway) I just wanted to look back at some of the things that happened to me in the past few months.  Granted, I did not go on a grand European adventure like I did last summer, but I wouldn't trade this summer for anything.

 

My birthday consisted of donuts, a bookstore, and snow. What a great combo.

Starlight, our frequent yet unwanted house guest.

Spent an afternoon at beaver creek. 

Note to self: buy GO GO boots.

I went to Utah twice this summer.  Worth it?  I think so.

I found out that I like snakes.  No, really, I'm serious.

This July 4th

     It seems that as time goes on, the original meaning behind a national holiday gets burred or even lost.  Easter's celebration of Christ is being blotted out by the pastel paint of Easter eggs, the spirit of Thanksgiving drowned in turkey gravy and pumpkin pie, and Memorial Day is now an excuse to not have work instead of a day of remembrance of those who have served in the armed forces.  I find that the Fourth of July is no exception to this rule.  
     Independence Day is more than fireworks and picnics in the park.  The name itself, "Independence Day", carries so much weight to it.  When our Founding Fathers signed the Declaration of Independence in 1776, they set the foundation for our nation.  The act they performed was treason and they each knowingly signed and carried out their actions.  Not only was this a great sacrifice, because surely it was, it was also a promise.  A promise that once they created a nation, they promised to love and serve that nation, under God and with the help of God.  Those brave men knew exactly what they were getting themselves into when they signed that document.
     That being said, the promise made is a promise still kept.  Countless men and women have understood this and kept this promise.  Some even gave their lives keeping it.
     So my proposition is to remember this.  Remember what was sacrificed in this country in order for us to celebrate the Fourth of July.  By all means, run out of your house, flag held high, yelling, 'Murica!", because that is something you should be proud of.  Heaven knows that the United States of America is not a perfect nation, but it was created with perfect intentions.  Our greatest gift that could ever be given to us is our freedom.  Celebrate that and be grateful to understand what it took to get that freedom.

WWII American Cemetery in Luxembourg

          

   

Playing Life

     When I was younger, I loved playing The Game of Life.  You know, the game made by Hasbro where you choose your little, plastic car and spin the wheel and see where your adventures take you.

     I loved this game growing up, but I was so focused on getting exactly what I wanted out of it, I would get frustrated when things didn't pan out the way I wanted.  I was the girl with a plan; I would grab one of those mini station wagons (usually green or blue) and always, always, chose the path that started with college.  After college, I would strive to get the best job I could.  Being a doctor was usually the most secure way to get the most money.  If I didn't get that, I'd go for an athlete.  Next, I would get married, have kids, and buy a house.  I always tried to choose the Log Cabin; it was cozy and nice, but a reasonable price.  I was an odd child.
      Anyway, I tried so hard to get exactly what I had planned and prepped for, in hindsight, it took all the fun out of the game. 
      I bring this up because, lately, I've been thinking about real life.  Dangerous, I know, but I've made parallels between my life and the game I played as a child. My decision to go to NAU comes to mind when I think of this.  So, here's the story.  The abridged version, that is.

      If you had asked me where I was going to college at the beginning of my senior year, I would have told you the University of Arizona.  That was my dream school and it had always held a special place in my heart.  When I decided that I wanted to go into Advertising and Public Relations, I looked into what my perfect college had in store for me.  Unfortunately, U of A did not have a strong program in those things.  After I accepted the fact that I would have to reevaluate my choice in college, I did some research on the programs through BYU, and almost reluctantly, the program through NAU.
     Now, if you had asked me if I was considering NAU for my college at the beginning of my senior year, I would have just laughed.  There was no way I was going there!  That wasn't part of the plan, and remember, I was the girl with a plan.

Plans change.

     With my choices now being BYU and NAU (BYU being my first choice, obviously) I waited eagerly  to hear from BYU.  I was already accepted into NAU and offered a scholarship, but to be honest, I wasn't all that excited about it.  I was going to BYU.  I had become excited at thought of going there and I was willing to shift my school from the U of A to BYU.
The day came when I clicked into byu.edu to see what the verdict was.

Application: declined

     What?  I didn't get in? Why didn't they want me?  I felt my carefully molded plans crumbling around me.  It was a Saturday, and I had to prepare for a lesson I would be teaching the next day in church.  The lesson was about trials and overcoming them.  I watched a video that day for my lesson that told the story of a girl who was going through serious medical problems.  She discussed how she could either let the trial destroy her, or define her.  She used the love of God to pull herself through.  She didn't get better physically, but she became a spiritual giant after realizing that God had amazing plans for her; she just had to trust him.
      That's when it hit me.  I had never asked my Heavenly Father what he wanted of me.  In humble prayer, I asked him for forgiveness, comfort, and if NAU was where I was supposed to go to school.  It was. Huh.  That day started off as one of bitterness and anger.  Anger at myself.  Anger at God.  It ended with a much more humble version of myself. 
     However, being me, I decided that after two years of going to NAU, I would just transfer to BYU.  This again, was something I had come up with on my own, instead of asking for guidance.  My answer this time was, "Not yet.  Trust me".  I've come to the conclusion that this is Heavenly Father's favorite phrase for me.  It's always a gentle reminder that his plans are greater than mine.  I need to trust that.

     My name is Camille Ann Kartchner. I am now a sophomore at Northern Arizona University, studying Strategic Communications with a double emphasis in Advertising and Public Relations.  Oh, and a minor in French. I've come to absolutely love NAU, but I still would like to get my Masters degree in Mass Communications at BYU Provo.  I'm a lot more open to change now.  I want to travel the world, volunteer somewhere for the LDS church where I can speak French, influence people for good, and be brave enough to chase after all of my dreams.  Most days, I don't know what I'm doing with my life, and I'm starting to be okay with that.

  

The Things I Know

So here we are; the middle of May, and a good few months since my last post.  Am I a slacker? Yeah, a little bit.  Do I regret not being more on top of things?  Well, yeah.  Will I do it again?  You bet your bottom dollar. 
I guess this semester has been just as one would expect.  I wake up, I go to school, go to work, stress myself out because I like to wait to the last minute to do things. You know, same ol', same ol'.  My life is more exciting than I make it out to be, I promise...
Last year, at the beginning of the semester, I made a small list of things I had learned as a one-week old freshman.  Now that my first year of college is over, I decided to add to that list.

• First of all, I've truly come to find that Nutella is God's gift to mankind, and if you have those who judge you for eating it everyday, don't associate with them.  You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

• "When in doubt, moonwalk it out".  This is a personal saying that I've come up with.   It basically means that sometimes you have no idea what you're doing with your life, but try to look as fabulous as you can while in the midst of the confusion.

• I still need to work on my moonwalking skills (figuratively and literally).

• Thinking you could do 8 am classes because you handled them high school was a huge miscalculation.  Sleep is good.  Sleep is your friend. 

• That brings up another point.  I always jokingly say that sleep is for the weak.  It's not.  Those who are smart, will sleep.  Those who don't want to be a cranky zombie everyday, will sleep. 

• The Hans Zimmer Station on Pandora is top notch when you want music while doing homework.  Trust me on this one.

I also made a list of other things, so here is Camille's-more-serious-and-potentially-more-beneficial-list-of-things-she-learned-at-college. 

Still working out that title.

•  Failure happens for us to better ourselves and to keep us humble.  Don't let it discourage you and don't let it make you bitter.  

• When you focus so much on what others are saying, you silence your own voice; but more importantly, God's voice.

• Sometimes, someone who is close to you may hurt, disappoint, and frustrate you.  Love them even more fiercely.  They need it.   

• When you don't forgive others, you're only hurting yourself.  It's your damaged pride and hard feelings that are holding you back from moving on.  

•  Never go a day without laughing, doing an act of service, and showing gratitude. 

• Distinguish who deserves to be in your life.  People come into our life for a reason, that doesn't mean all of them stay.  

• And lastly; you are important,  you are special, and you are loved.  Don't let anyone try and convince you otherwise (including yourself).  

Since it's the middle of May and the beginning of my summer break, I'm making it a goal to add to this list by the end of August.  It's never too late to start over, so here's to new goals, new beginnings, new mistakes, and new lessons to learn.

Here's to the summer.  Let's make it a good one, shall we?